Time...

Well i don't know why i haven't been writing. i guess i feel like i have nothing to say. i mean really, do you really want to hear about my boring little life? Do you want to read bout my daily "slave" work i do around the house or how often i go to the gym because I'm so tired of hola hooping with my stomach fat? HAHAHA but i will tell you my children's last day of school was yesterday and it was amazing! They both had a great school year. My son Jason is now in second grade and our little Ava is not so little anymore. she is done with kindergarten and now on to 1st grade! The time is going by so fast. Even our infant is now 9 months old.

Well, in the single mom world I am doing well. Sometimes i get irritated with my school-agers. They never talk back to me and they are pretty well mannered for the most part. But the thing that makes me annoyed is they try to negotiate with me about everything. most of the time i just laugh with the things they come up with but they soon realize i don't change my mind.

The baby Addi is doing awesome! She is 9 months old tomorrow and doing great! She is all over the place! She is rolling and scooting everywhere. I have forgotten how much you have to do to babe proof. She just started crawling yesterday so that is exciting. I am very happy when she stars new things but at the same time it makes my heart ache. i think how much her daddy is missing. i try to send video and pics all the time but it is still not the same. But it is the best that i can do. I know he loves them. Every picture and video he says he loves. i cant help to wonder if it hurts him more then brings him happiness.

I was looking on easy.com for deployment necklaces or bracelets and i had to stop. I do amazing when i dont really think about what we are going through right now. But the times when im relaxing and i get to really think about it my eyes tear up. So then i turn it off. I stay strong, I pray for my family and my husband every night and that brings me comfort. 

Facetime!!

Taking my kiddos out on a lunch date!!

Peace!

At my cousins having a wonderful time!

The Goodbye...

Well my husband shipped out 30 ago today.  My family and I have gone through the emotions, the ups and downs, the laughter and the cries. Its like we have been in morning. A few days ago we had to go through yet again another good-bye. Justin was leaving the states and flying to the base, his next home for the next year. But till this point there is always a chance something comes up and they could fly home. But nope this is it. The day is here. So we get the FaceTime call... this is the last time we will be able to see him for a while. its a bitter sweet moment. i did video record it so i could share the emotions with you. my children and I are rather strong. We have never let him see us cry. Out of all the goodbye i have had to say t o him he hasn't seen a tear drop. But he has seen my eyes fill up, my bottom lip quiver and he has heard it in my voice. but never the act of crying, at the moment of goodbye.

After we say "see ya later" i cry, and just hold my babies or a few minutes. My son is the sweetest child. He hugs me and tell me "it's not for ever mom" Just hearing him say those words to me snaps me out of it!

My children are the reason this is the easiest deployment so far. My husband and i have been blessed with well behaved and healthy children. i thank god for that daily!!

Ugh is this over yet?!

Well I haven't been writing a lot lately. I would love to write everyday but I just don't have the time or if I do have the time I'm just to damn tired. Most days a cant even remember if I showered in the morning. Between the kids and life and keeping up with the house I don't know if I'm coming or going. I'm not saying its a bad thing I'm just saying I not have time to think. All I know is I'm in robot  mode and keep doing what I'm doing. I continue to be blessed with things in my life so I know I have to be doing something right. I thank god for the life that I have!!!

These past few days we have been of course busy! We have been doing nothing but fun things:) the kids were able to spend some time with their cousins for some family time. I was involved with my best friends bridal shower and  bachelorette party. Which was fun for me. It was the first time in a long time I had a sitter. We've been to church, bike rides, walks and a lot more outside time. I hope my family and I continue to have the blessing we have had lately.

My husband has been doing well with the adjustment as well as us. I know he misses us but we still are able to talk everyday and when the Internet connection is strong we are able to FaceTime.

Here are some pics from the last few days...

My little loves!!

Heaven in a cup!

The Swing of Things...

Well I have to admit today has been a great day! The kids were tired this morning but most mondays are like that. Addison woke up happy like always, i was staying on schedule and the kids got ready rather quickly this morning even though they were so tired. Then as an added bonus i had a sugar free red bull in the fridge waiting for me! Yes,!! So far so good to our new day and new week! Im hoping it stays this way because the kids and i had a emotional weekend. So we needed a happy day:) well after work i went to the gym. so that made me feel great. When i got home started my wifely duties of laundry and tiding up the house. Then when the kids got home from after school we went to our favorite store...SUPER TAGET! That always makes everyone happy. Since it is getting so warm out the whole family each got a new pair of sandals and that made the kids so happy. When we got home it was still so nice out that we all went outside and played, went for a walk and i attempted to help Ava ride a bike. This might take some time but im sure she will learn this summer.  Then to top this awesome day Addi said her first word and it was "dada!" but what makes it a little better is i was video taping her when she said it and i was able to send it to Justin. Now that was an amazing thing! Addison is doing so well with all of this! Tonight Justin was talking to our 8 month old and Addi was responding to his voice on my phone. I don't know what Justin was saying but whatever it was Addi was laughing and would hold my hand, pushing the phone closer to her ear. Justin and Addi have such a bond. Talk about a daddy's girl!

Us on our walk!

Ava

Jason 

Addi 8 months

UPs and DOWNs

It has finally happened... It's hit me. My husband is gone and I've cried everyday for the past 3 days. But today was the worst. I'm not sure if it because I do not sleep well anymore or if I'm just exhausted with life. This past week was very hard. All the emotions I feel. I wish I could be just selfish and only think of me and how I can get through this. If I didn't have the kids I would just find my old friend Vodka Red bull and that would fill the void. But I know that wouldn't get me very far. Right now i have to be strong and i will be strong Ive just been going through my UPs and DOWNs. Anyone that has been through this knows you go through phases. Right now im going through a weak phase but it will pass. Its only been a week and i just miss him so much! My heart aches for him...they way he hugs me, how he talks with the kids, his stupid little jokes that are so dumb there funny, how he can always make me smile even if i really don't want too, how he can get Ava in a better mood just by telling her NOT to smile then she smiles and laughs, the way he would teach Jason about guns and play Playstation3 with him. I just miss our life together. I know we will have that again. But right now i want it, i don't want to wait.  

 What makes this even harder is watching the children Jason and Ava starting to feel the sadness too.  Our daughter Ava started to show her sadness this past Saturday. We would talk about fun memories about Daddy Justin and her facial expressions would change. You could see her smile was fake. I could see it in her eyes and that breaks my heart. Our little Ava is always a ball of sunshine, so happy and silly. But this weekend it hit her. She misses her Daddy Justin. Jason is still struggling but I do my best to explain things and not raise my voice. I know his mind has been somewhere else this week and it shows. This week i am having their school councilor talk to them.  But.... i do keep them both very busy! Since our winter is finally over we have been outside playing everyday we have been going for walks, going to the park by our house, having some of their friends come over and of course going to the YMCA. The time they miss him the most is at night and same goes to me too. I miss him like crazy at bed time.

SO how do i get through this? SHIT I HAVE NO IDEA?!?! I just keep doing what i'm doing. Take care of my 3 beautiful children and everything that goes along with them. Then i have to make some time for me which is going to the gym and tanning (if i have a sitter). I try to keep up with house work but if i have clutter and clean clothes in the dryer THAT'S OK:) My kids are happy and healthy and my husband is too and thats all that matters!

The New Man of The House...

As each day passes by I can feel the shock factor fading away quickly.  I know that might sound insensitive of me but I have to keep my head up and think of whats best for my children. Because I am the strength they need to get through this experience.

Out of all of us i feel our almost 8 year old son is having the hardiest adjustment.  His behavior has changed. He is more quick to freak out on someone who is invading his personal space. He also is shutting down more often, he is being more sensitive. Which is ok because i know this is a difficult thing to be going through.  if i have to correct him on something he puts his head down and acts like he is ashamed, and it would be over something silly like putting his nerf guns away before bed. I knew there would be some changes in him but I didn't think he would become depressed.  So i have been reassuring him that it is ok to cry, it is ok to miss Justin, it's ok to feel sad about it. i keep telling Jason how much i love him and how much he means to me and how important he is to us, all of us. But is it enough?? I have been trying to keep him more involved with things. I tell him hes the new man of the house so he is going to help me do big man stuff. When i tell him that the look on his face to me looks like he is proud to be the "MAN" of the house. He has been putting his laundry away, helping with dishes and the garbage when it is not to heavy. I feel like he enjoys these jobs I give him to do. But i also have been giving him a little bit more freedom too. Like yesterday we went on a walk around the block and he rode his bike. Normally he stays very close while riding his bike. But i told him he could ride ahead but just watch for cars. He did a wonderful job!  he would go head and stop at the stop sign and wait then go a head a little more. it was amazing to see my son stand up and peddle as fast as he could then coast down out the hill and hear him say "weeeeeee!!!" he looked so happy. those moments are the ones that I wont forget, the ones that makes me want my husband home so we can enjoy our family together. I took a ton of pictures of all the pics and video too. I sent Justin pictures and video multiple times a day. I can assume they bring my husband joy but pain also.

Yesterday Jason had a great day and today is probably better! He has been doing wonderful in school and was sent home with a good note from his teacher. Then at the end of the day was able to go to his best friends house and play for a few hours. he was so happy when i pick him up! i love seeing him smile. Then to top of his "best day" he was able to tag along with his sisters sleep over tonight at his cousins. I really wanted him to come home with me but i cant be selfish. i did want to spend some one on one time with him but he was so excited to spend the night i couldnt tell him no.

I know if i stay positive the children will stay positive too!

 Day 5 was a success!!

The Small Things

 Today was all about my school age children. I know I have not been myself this past week so I wanted to do a few things that I normally don't do, just to show some extra love. Like for starters today when I packed their snack I wrote LOVE mom. I know it something so simple but you should have seen their eyes they lit up this morning when they saw the note. Another little thing I did was get all dressed up and surprised the kids at their school to eat lunch with them. Jason's grade eats lunch first. So I waited by the office and waited until I saw his class. He didn't see me until I grabbed his hand and started walking with him. He was so happy!! He jumped up and down and hugged me and even gave me a kiss in front of everyone in his class. That melted my heart. I waited in line with him and did everything the boys did, jumped from bear paw to bear paw on the cafeteria floor in heels!! He loved it! After lunch he did not expect me to go outside with him but I did.  It was a short visit to the playground he wanted to show me where he plays kick ball then he told me "ill see you when I get home mom"

 Now its Ava turn. Her grade is next. I did the same with Ava as I did with Jason. Met her in the hallway we held hands as we walked to the lunch room, waited in line and had her tell me where I should sit. Then the sweetest part she introduced me to all her friends in class. I could tell Ava felt very important and that was my goal :) As with Jason I went outside with Ava but as soon as we got out there she said goodbye but asked me to do a little something for her. Her little request was for me to meet her at the end of the driveway when the bus dropped her and Jason off. Of course that is exactly what I did. I heard that bus pull around the corner and I met my babies at the end of the driveway and the looks on their faces reminded me of Christmas morning.  I never would have thought something so small would means so much. 

Jason and Ava took turns trying on the big blue feet:) He is having fun just making a silly face. 

An art project that Jason made in computer class. He is so proud! I had to take a picture.

Avas life cycle of a plant. She was so excited to show me!

The small LOVE MOM in the corner meant something BIG to my children.